Saturday, May 31, 2008

Terms You Must Use - Bureaucrat Style

I’ve noticed a decided lack of trendy contemporary bureaucratic terminology in my own writing compared to that of many other Lutherans - please forgive me. I’ve been keeping track of the words that others might deem to be lacking in my diction, and will endeavor to incorporate them into future posts. Please help me by posting other words that I’m not using enough in the comment section, so that I can incorporate them as well. Here is the list, as best as I can figure it out:

Aggregate financial problems
Doctrinal and theological unity
Ecclesiastical supervisor
Fiscal realities
Honor the Eighth Commandment
Incentivize performance
In truth
Jelly roll
Mutual conversation, consolation, and collaboration
Reduction in force of personnel
(Run-on sentences)
Spirit of unity
Such was not the case

In an effort to “rededicate” myself, here is my first feeble attempt at the “new me.”

Dear Readers,

While I was sitting at the prayer breakfast, eyeing that jelly roll, I was dialoguing with a fellow committee member, discussing the growing division at Stand Firm in light of the upcoming reduction in force of personnel because of fiscal realities. While he stated that there is a propensity for some to exercise the freedoms of speech and of the press in expressing their opinions in a manner that contributes to a spirit of distrust and division in our blog, I said such was not the case. I suggested we revise sales-staff compensation to incentivize performance, but he just laughed, and said I should consult my ecclesiastical supervisor. In truth, I was relieved to point out to him that I have no “ecclesiastical supervisor,” at least not one of a corporate nature. Though we had grown to dislike and distrust one another, through dialogue, over the course of two sausage links, three pastries, and a few cups of coffee, through mutual conversation, consolation, and collaboration, we were able to iron out our aggregate financial problems, put up a modest false front of doctrinal and theological unity, and walk together in a spirit of unity - all while honoring the Eighth Commandment. What could be better?


Anonymous said...

Better stick with your old, honest self, Scott!:-)

Michael Paul 白霈德牧師 said...

I agree with Kari...I don't think you'll ever "make it" in the contemporary Lutheran bureaucratic world, thanks be to God...

Anonymous said...

"I've searched all the parks in all the cities and found no statues of committees."
- G.K. Chesterton

You're not gonna get a statue if you keep this up.